23 December, 2008
Find Me a Funnier Real Name
I realize this may not be terribly culturally sensitive, but given the guy is a billionaire (and a criminal, of sorts) it should be acceptable for me to point out that Anurag Dikshit has got to be one of the funniest names a person could have.
18 December, 2008
The Shoe-Thrower's Shoes
Just when you thought you heard everything there was to hear about the shoe-thrower:
BTW -- new reports are that al-Zaidi's arms were not broken. He was merely beaten about the face--and he still may spend a few years in jail.
Security agents destroyed the shoes thrown at US President George W. Bush by an Iraqi journalist during checks to ensure they did not contain explosives, the investigating judge said on Thursday.No word on how many civilians were killed in collateral damage during the destruction of the shoes.
"The shoes were examined by the Iraqi and American security services and then destroyed," the judge told AFP.
...
The judge said the lack of the key piece of evidence in the case -- Zaidi's destroyed shoes which Bush quipped were size 10 -- would not prevent the investigation from proceeding.
BTW -- new reports are that al-Zaidi's arms were not broken. He was merely beaten about the face--and he still may spend a few years in jail.
David Mamet is a Funny, Funny Guy
Mamet appeared to be skeptical.
"I talked to Jeremy on the phone, and he told me that he discovered that he had a very high level of mercury," Mamet told Daily Variety. "So my understanding is that he is leaving show business to pursue a career as a thermometer."
17 December, 2008
The Saga of the Shoe-Thrower Goes On
We don't yet know whether Muntader al-Zaidi really did get both arms and some ribs broken as a result of throwing his shoes at President Bush, as some of the gossip has claimed. But we do know this: "offending the head of a foreign state" in Iraq is a crime that could get you seven years in prison.
Please remember that next time you hear some bullshit about Bush bringing "democracy" to Iraq. Just how free are you if you are not free to offend?
Also, the NYT reports that Iraqi parliament pushed aside their regularly scheduled business to discuss what to do with al-Zaidi: do we make a bronze statue of him, or do we just dip him in molten bronze?
Please remember that next time you hear some bullshit about Bush bringing "democracy" to Iraq. Just how free are you if you are not free to offend?
Also, the NYT reports that Iraqi parliament pushed aside their regularly scheduled business to discuss what to do with al-Zaidi: do we make a bronze statue of him, or do we just dip him in molten bronze?
Muntader al-Zaidi:
Artist's rendition of possible al-Zairi bronze statue tribute:
Artist's rendition of possible al-Zairi bronze statue tribute:
15 December, 2008
Executive Pay Cap Bailout Loophole
Have you read about the massive 'loophole' that prevents executives of bailed-out companies from submitting to pay caps? I call it a 'loophole' because it exempts literally all of them. Calling it a 'loophole' is like calling a gaping chest wound a 'body piercing'.
The Shoe-Throwing Story, Day 2 (or 3)
Reviewing the tape(s) of the shoe-throwing incident, I have to say that I'm actually proud of ol' W. for exactly the second time in my whole entire life.
The first time was when he signed a treaty creating a big oceanic green-zone near Hawaii. I suspect his wife made him do it, but motives are irrelevant in evaluating outcomes whether the outcome is an epic fail or a win. In that case, thankfully, it was a win, and while one might be inclined to wonder how Bush could've ruined a perfect FAIL streak by letting a win squeak by like that, I find it's best simply to appreciate it. Say thanks and move on.
And now for the second time ever I felt a little tinge of pride, or at least mild respect, for George W. Bush. After seeing more video footage, I eventually came to think that Bush represented well. Despite the screencap posted the other day, he wasn't a sissy about it at all. He stood tall, and even gestured to his secret service agent (who was embarrassingly late to take a protective posture) to stand down. We've heard him say 'bring it on' before, but we've also seen him take great pains to be far removed from any public demonstrations of disapproval for him. Protests that inevitably accompany Bush visits abroad are typically kept so far away from Bush that he neither hears nor sees them. They might as well be on the moon, if they want to get a message to the cowboy 'from' Crawford. But the one time he stood face-to-face with an aggressive critic, he actually stood tall. By the time the second shoe was thrown, he merely lifted his hand, as though prepared to catch it and throw it back. (I'd actually have loved to have seen that.) Alas the shoe went wide. Out of ammo, the attacker was apprehended.
Bush topped it all off with a joke that was...funny. A funny joke. Improvised. By George W. Bush. I know! It is amazing! "Get all the facts," he said -- and I may be paraphrasing slightly -- "the shoe was a size 10." I doubt that any of this actually went through his hard, dry, little walnut brain, but that's a legitimately funny joke. Scooping reporters with a juicy detail like the size of the shoe that nearly hit him is good comedy. If he were a bright person, he'd have been making a clever critique of the absurdity of the simultaneously ADD and OCD nature of the mass media.
But then he went and fucked it all up, as is (near- (see above)) perfectly typical of Bush. Afterwards, he was recorded blathering on about how it didn't really offend him much, and throwing shoes is pretty meaningless to him, and basically disrespecting Iraqi culture as he has always done by refusing to learn anything about it, even while thinking he could change it.
In the end, the shoe-thrower must be afforded Global Hero of the People of Earth status rather than simply Iraqi folk hero status. Millions of people of all nationalities, including Americans, have likely fantasized about throwing a shoe or two at Bush, or spitting in his eye, or perhaps mentally picturing his body replacing that of somebody on America's Funniest Home Videos suffering some severe crotch trauma.
If Bush were a classy guy, he'd pardon the shoe-thrower (instead of all the criminals who've ever kissed his ass). He'd pardon him because he knows that he killed God knows how many people with bombs from the sky, and taking a couple from a shoe-chucker by way of a response is big progress.
But he's not a classy guy. Instead, he'll pardon Alberto Gonzales and Harriet Miers and Karl Rove and every other boot-licking sycophantic thug who ever served his crime family. You'll see.
The first time was when he signed a treaty creating a big oceanic green-zone near Hawaii. I suspect his wife made him do it, but motives are irrelevant in evaluating outcomes whether the outcome is an epic fail or a win. In that case, thankfully, it was a win, and while one might be inclined to wonder how Bush could've ruined a perfect FAIL streak by letting a win squeak by like that, I find it's best simply to appreciate it. Say thanks and move on.
And now for the second time ever I felt a little tinge of pride, or at least mild respect, for George W. Bush. After seeing more video footage, I eventually came to think that Bush represented well. Despite the screencap posted the other day, he wasn't a sissy about it at all. He stood tall, and even gestured to his secret service agent (who was embarrassingly late to take a protective posture) to stand down. We've heard him say 'bring it on' before, but we've also seen him take great pains to be far removed from any public demonstrations of disapproval for him. Protests that inevitably accompany Bush visits abroad are typically kept so far away from Bush that he neither hears nor sees them. They might as well be on the moon, if they want to get a message to the cowboy 'from' Crawford. But the one time he stood face-to-face with an aggressive critic, he actually stood tall. By the time the second shoe was thrown, he merely lifted his hand, as though prepared to catch it and throw it back. (I'd actually have loved to have seen that.) Alas the shoe went wide. Out of ammo, the attacker was apprehended.
Bush topped it all off with a joke that was...funny. A funny joke. Improvised. By George W. Bush. I know! It is amazing! "Get all the facts," he said -- and I may be paraphrasing slightly -- "the shoe was a size 10." I doubt that any of this actually went through his hard, dry, little walnut brain, but that's a legitimately funny joke. Scooping reporters with a juicy detail like the size of the shoe that nearly hit him is good comedy. If he were a bright person, he'd have been making a clever critique of the absurdity of the simultaneously ADD and OCD nature of the mass media.
But then he went and fucked it all up, as is (near- (see above)) perfectly typical of Bush. Afterwards, he was recorded blathering on about how it didn't really offend him much, and throwing shoes is pretty meaningless to him, and basically disrespecting Iraqi culture as he has always done by refusing to learn anything about it, even while thinking he could change it.
In the end, the shoe-thrower must be afforded Global Hero of the People of Earth status rather than simply Iraqi folk hero status. Millions of people of all nationalities, including Americans, have likely fantasized about throwing a shoe or two at Bush, or spitting in his eye, or perhaps mentally picturing his body replacing that of somebody on America's Funniest Home Videos suffering some severe crotch trauma.
If Bush were a classy guy, he'd pardon the shoe-thrower (instead of all the criminals who've ever kissed his ass). He'd pardon him because he knows that he killed God knows how many people with bombs from the sky, and taking a couple from a shoe-chucker by way of a response is big progress.
But he's not a classy guy. Instead, he'll pardon Alberto Gonzales and Harriet Miers and Karl Rove and every other boot-licking sycophantic thug who ever served his crime family. You'll see.
14 December, 2008
Is it too Impolite to Suggest some Good Old Fashioned Asset Forfeiture?
You know -- sometimes when people are arrested for drug-related crimes, they can have all their money taken away. And their cars and homes and valuables, including any solid gold nipple rings on their person, depending on the craziness of the dollar value of gold.
If you crossed a border with a trunk full of street drugs, you could have everything you ever made of your life taken away from you all at once.
If you steal, on the other hand, hundreds of millions, or many billions of dollars from everybody ...no such penalties apply.
Why would any judge not favor the same stiffness of penalty to men like Petters and Lay and Madoff that he would apply to some guy who supplied drugs to consenting adults for money? We're unlikely to find out why because such a case won't go before a judge. And the reason no billionaire kleptomaniac's assets will be forfeited any time soon is because the agency that would arrest such a person is the Secret Service, which is a branch of the US Treasury, which is Fraud CentComm. The Treasury Department's response to a financial crime is like
If I'm wrong, please correct me. I haven't found anything via google about financial crimes warranting asset forfeiture, nor have I found anyone else discussing the possibility that a portion of our collective losses could be recovered by squeezing it out of the theives who took it.
The punitive actions should not be applied only to a select group of big fish. There are many investment bankers and mortgage and hedge fund brokers and less prominent thugs who stole mere millions, or aided and abetted those who did by doing things like hyping the value of something valueless. Take it all back from them, too. They knew what they were doing, and they deserve to suffer some consequences.
The cash assets could go directly back to the unindicted public, bringing down directly the principal on every mortgage, with a highly progressive payment structure. After the principle is paid down, the loan is refinanced, making payments smaller and the term shorter. If the lower and middle classes suddenly had a substantial portion of the household monthly budget freed up for reallocation, that could inspire a meaningful opposition to the downward economic spiral.
As for the property seized from the crooks: eBay it. If the USGov had its own eBay account, and auctioned all kinds of crazy shit seized from rich crooks, and that revenue went to the right place...oh, it gives me goosebumps just to imagine the possibilities...
I wonder what the starting bid would be for a vodka-pissing ice sculpture of Michelangelo's David?
If you crossed a border with a trunk full of street drugs, you could have everything you ever made of your life taken away from you all at once.
If you steal, on the other hand, hundreds of millions, or many billions of dollars from everybody ...no such penalties apply.
Why would any judge not favor the same stiffness of penalty to men like Petters and Lay and Madoff that he would apply to some guy who supplied drugs to consenting adults for money? We're unlikely to find out why because such a case won't go before a judge. And the reason no billionaire kleptomaniac's assets will be forfeited any time soon is because the agency that would arrest such a person is the Secret Service, which is a branch of the US Treasury, which is Fraud CentComm. The Treasury Department's response to a financial crime is like
If I'm wrong, please correct me. I haven't found anything via google about financial crimes warranting asset forfeiture, nor have I found anyone else discussing the possibility that a portion of our collective losses could be recovered by squeezing it out of the theives who took it.
The punitive actions should not be applied only to a select group of big fish. There are many investment bankers and mortgage and hedge fund brokers and less prominent thugs who stole mere millions, or aided and abetted those who did by doing things like hyping the value of something valueless. Take it all back from them, too. They knew what they were doing, and they deserve to suffer some consequences.
The cash assets could go directly back to the unindicted public, bringing down directly the principal on every mortgage, with a highly progressive payment structure. After the principle is paid down, the loan is refinanced, making payments smaller and the term shorter. If the lower and middle classes suddenly had a substantial portion of the household monthly budget freed up for reallocation, that could inspire a meaningful opposition to the downward economic spiral.
As for the property seized from the crooks: eBay it. If the USGov had its own eBay account, and auctioned all kinds of crazy shit seized from rich crooks, and that revenue went to the right place...oh, it gives me goosebumps just to imagine the possibilities...
I wonder what the starting bid would be for a vodka-pissing ice sculpture of Michelangelo's David?
Bush Visits Baghdad...
... and is afforded the respect he deserves:
That blurry dark spot just left of Bush is a shoe that somebody threw at him. Probably that's the closest he's come in 8 years to finding out firsthand what people really think of him.
Update: After seeing video of the event, I have to point out that this frame was carefully selected to maximize the pussy factor. He wasn't as chickenshit as you'd expect.
That blurry dark spot just left of Bush is a shoe that somebody threw at him. Probably that's the closest he's come in 8 years to finding out firsthand what people really think of him.
Update: After seeing video of the event, I have to point out that this frame was carefully selected to maximize the pussy factor. He wasn't as chickenshit as you'd expect.
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